The Blight

I wish I could get over you. You’re no good for me you know. So handsome and charming. Dashing and sexy. You’re nothing good for me. I long for your smile and your laugh. I wait for your approval. I quake at your touch, but you’re no good for me you know. I hang upon your every word. Smile into your eyes when you turn to glance. Laugh at your jokes…and quake at your touch, but you’re no good for me you know.

Happy Valentine's Day

So there’s this boy. I’ve known him quite a while now. He says he loves me. I know I love him. It’s been a long time since I loved anyone. I still don’t want to because I know it will hurt one day. Well to be honest it hurts even now. You see I have this job. It takes me over the seas and he as this job and it does the same. But we can’t be together because our jobs take us away from each other. Soon we’ll go far away and who knows maybe never see each other again. He says that’s not true, I say how would he know? He makes me laugh and that makes me cry. I love this boy you see, the one who I may never get to see after a while. Just a short while it will seem before I must go away.
 

darklight

What does one do when what makes one happy makes one sad too? When a laugh is followed by a sigh, when one has everything one wants but feels like it’s nothing at all? What does one do when the dream is just a dream? When you know it can never be real, yet you yearn for it still? How does one reconcile oneself to utter disappointment while expecting it every moment? What does it mean to be conflicted all the time? To want to run and hide, yet drawn like a moth to flame? To know that the wanting will lead to pain? To tears cried softly in the shower? A brittle smile to hide behind? A laugh that’s just a little too loud? An answer just slightly too quick? Why be brave when courage is truly the face woe? Why spend precious time chasing a shadow. A shadow held so firmly yet so elusive one wonders if it is really held at all? A moment ago…maybe? Who knows!

the pseudo-boyfriend

I found a neat new piece of urban jargon today on-line in my search to “define” what is between me and W*. I know it’s stupid and very female of me to have to even have a definition and frankly it makes me feel foolish and silly. Yet, so it is. And the term? “pseudo-boyfriend” it means a relationship where the man and woman share many things commonly found in a real relationship to include sex, but they do not consider themselves a couple. In a way it’s comforting to finally have a word to call what this “relationship” (for lack of a better term) really is. It definitely makes it less confusing; however, it is very cold comfort. All the pages devoted to it warn to never allow emotions into it and that the pseudo-relationship will never become a real relationship in most cases.

The Brightest Hour

What if blindness were incurable; a sickly sight so cold and narrow that even the brightest hour daren't penetrate it? What if with my eyes wide open as I stare straight through I don't see what is there to see? What if I miss the glaring truth while knowing I see the very secrets hidden within? While I smile in the darkest shade believing the gloom to be my friend and confidant? Vigilantly oblivious to all but the slightest detail, the minutae of the ridiculous? Watching as if with the eye of a hawk but seeing only the faint outlines afforded the bat? Am I looking for what isn't there? Or what is? Or do I know at all? Is what I am looking for real fiction or fictional reality? Do I see what I want to see or what I think I ought to see? Can I see at all? What if I see it but don't believe my eyes? What if I behold the truth and believe it false? What if I laugh in the face of reality in my bid to escape it? What if I refuse to see for too long and look back to see only what I have missed?