Eleven Days and Counting...

The much-anticipated month has finally arrived! I am now a mere eleven days and counting from my ship date to Basic Combat Training (BCT) for the United States Army. In a way, I'm excited and glad that the wait is finally almost over. I mean I signed on the dotted line way back in April, but I was put on the Delayed Entry Program because I had to finish my contract with the highschool I taught for before I left, so here I waited. At times glad for the delay because it gave me so much to time to get all the little ends tied up, well I've almost gotten them tied up anyways! It gave me time to work on PT (physical training); although, my distance run is still just barely over where it should be. *sigh* It even gave me time to learn some of the simple things like the phonetic alphabet, military time, and ranks and insignia. I'm also pretty excited about all the fun stuff: shooting guns, blowing stuff up, infiltration exercises, and even things like repelling and obstacle courses. I've always liked being active, so I think I'll enjoy that stuff as long as I can actually *do* it! Plus, when I play my video games, I always choose Wizards because I enjoy nuking things to death; so throwing grenades is going to be AWESOME!!! LOL

But then, conversely, it also gave me so much time to sit and wait and sit and think. Will I go to Iraq? What *will* I do for my job (as an officer candidate, we don't get our job assignments until about mid-way through Officer Candidate School [OCS], so that will be sometime this spring for me)? Will I make it through BCT? Will I make it through OCS? All told that's 25 weeks of bootcamp-like training...will I hold up alongside all those young kids going through? Have I studied enough? When I get there, *will* I remember that a Brigadier General is the one with the single star, or will I totally screw up and salute a sergeant by accident? Another thing is knowing that when I first arrive, nothing I do will be "right"...the "Army way." In real life, I'm a total perfectionist. I *like* doing things the "right way" and become very distressed if I can't. Will I learn quickly enough???

One thing that I try not to dwell upon is the possibility, nay, the probability that I will go to Iraq. So many people have died or lost limbs or have suffered Traumatic Stress. Will I go and never come back, or not come back the same? When you're 18, the sheer mortality of your existence has not fully been impressed upon you. In fact I don't think I realized mine until I was 30-something, and I hyper-extended my elbow. It happened in a flash...just that quick. At that moment I realized: I'm not immortal, invincible, nor indestructable. And that life can change drastically in mere fractions of a second. It is one of the most horrifying realizations you'll ever have...if you live through it, that is...

You may think, well silly, you shouldn't have signed up! Ahhh! Yes, it was my conscious decision. One that I don't regret for I made it for a myriad of reasons, for all of which the Army was the perfect solution. Some that I'd rather not go into here, but one main reason was that after eleven years as a teacher in both secondary and post-secondary education, I wanted, no, I *needed* a change. Something drastic...something adventurous...something daring! Life felt like it was crashing in upon me. I felt stale, old, tired, fed-up. You all know from my bio that I'm divorced. That was another major impetus in my decision. It was like a bur in a donkey's saddle; it got the most obstinate and weary person you'd ever meet *going.* It made me think: there is more out there, and I can do it! So I guess it was my mid-life crisis?!?! Do girls have those?
Whatever the reason, here I am. The grains of time are slipping past even as I write this. My destiny is steadily marching to meet me. Everyone says, "You're so brave; you have so much courage; I'm so proud of you!" I am thankful for such praise; though, I don't know that I actually deserve it. Is it brave or courageous to simply want something different? To hope for something better from life? I dunno, mebbe!
All in all, I'm looking forward to this new stage in my life. It is absolutely true that when one door closes another opens, you just have to be willing to walk through it. Plus, I think it's totally bad ass that I'll be able to use my favorite saying from my days as a Wizzy in Everquest in real life now...

"Blast first, and ask questions later..." HOOOAH!!!!