The Whipping Girl

The girl asked, “Will anyone love me?” Her Soul answered, “Only when you begin to love yourself.” She hid her face and wept for she had no idea of how to love herself. Many years she had been her own whipping post. Lashing herself for flaws both real and imagined. Both those internal and those foisted upon her by those Selfish Ones. She had no idea how to forgive herself or those Selfish Ones who had rendered injustice upon her during her short and bitter life. Yet, how she had wearied of being rent by the same master year after year, month after month, day after day. She grew tired of flaying her soul over the same iniquities, the same disappointments, the same fears. Who could love such a one as she? One so enraged at herself and those Selfish Ones that she could see no other? All others were measured by their worthlessness. All others were deemed by association unworthy of her trust, though, innocent they may have been.

Alone she crept through life, yearning for a love. Receiving only the stripes a martyr receives at the whipping post. One lash, two, three…how many more…four, five…on and on they seemed to go. Flooding her memory until only the lash existed, nothing before or after. How could anything exist after that? How could she break free from the flagellation that was of her own making? Her own bonds held her to the stake. Her own fears and hate. Her unforgiveness. In the end when we hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we are only punishing ourselves, after all. We are martyring ourselves to the injustices heaped upon us by others. We are choosing to hold dear to us the pain inflicted by the lash when we should let our pain go. Forgive our tormentors and remember to love ourselves better than they loved us. For only once we learn to love ourselves, will others love us in return.

The irony is that what those Selfish Ones stripped from us like so many rags from our backs was our own ability to love ourselves. Their whips poisoned us, made us hate ourselves like they hated us. Made us believe we deserved to be punished. Made us believe that we did not deserve to be loved by anyone, for of course if those Selfish Ones who were supposed to love us, did not, then why would anyone else? If those Selfish Ones could not find anything to love in us, could only find our flaws, how in the world would anyone else find something to love in us? How would anyone else find our beauty? Surely then there was not any to be found. Surely then, we deserved to be reviled. Surely then we must martyr ourselves to their wrong-doings for that is the sum total of our worth.

Nay, believe it not! Forgive those who have done you wrong. Know in your hearts they were wrong but refuse to carry that burden on your shoulders. Refuse to lay your heart at their feet, a sacrifice to their hate. Forgive them, forgive yourself, love yourself and then, love will find you.

Pray:

I will forgive those who have done me wrong.

I will accept that injustice was done to me.

I will forgive myself for allowing their injustices to poison my love for myself.

I will forgive myself for martyring myself at the feet of their iniquities.

I will refuse to accept the weight of their injustices as my own burden.

I will release my fears.

I will accept the guidance given me.

I will accept that I am worthy of love.

I will love myself.

Blessed Be.